Me: "If you had a magic muffin, what would it feel like going down?"
S: "You're looking for blog material, aren't you?"
Me: "Hey, it's been awhile since I've posted a conversation. Work with me."
S: "Well, let's see. If I had a magic.....muffffin.....what would it feel like.....going down?"
Me: "Yep."
S: [allowing a little time to lapse] "Hmmmmm."
Me: "Oh, it's not a hard question. Come on, there's even a second part to it."
S: "What's the second part? That might help me answer the first part."
Me: "What would happen after you ate it? I mean, it is magic, after all, right?"
S: "But that's not logical."
Me: "What do you mean?"
S: "The second part of the question wouldn't necessarily be the logical next step. You said if a magic muffin 'went down'.....that doesn't mean that I ate it."
Me: "Ohhhhhh. Good point. Well, I have another question."
S: "What's that?"
Me: "If you were redecorating a torture chamber, what sort of wallpaper would you choose?"
S: "Probably something spikey with a downward motion to it."
Me: "Really? Not teddy bears?"
S: "No."
Me: "I can't believe you didn't answer my magic muffin question."
S: "There's just so many directions I could go with that one."
Me: "Well, I'm going to ask M at lunch. I'll bet he'll answer me."
A bit later, while sitting in Panera with S and M ...
Me: "I have a question."
M: "What?"
S: "Oh, good Lord. Here she goes."
M: "What?"
S: [rising out of his chair] "I need more to drink."
Me: [grabbing S's sleeve] "No, the question is for both of you! Don't leave."
S: [leaving the table in search of the soda machine] "I'm really thirsty. Ask M."
Me: "If you had a magic muffin, what would it feel like going down?"
M: [staring at me, quizzically] "If I had a what?"
Me: "There's a second part to the question."
M: "What's the second part?"
Me: "What would happen after you ate it?"
M: [chuckling and looking around the room as if beseeching others for help]
Me: "I mean, if it's a magic muffin, something cool has to happen after you eat it. What would happen?"
M: "I don't know. I'll have to think about it."
Me: "Mmmmm. OK. I have another question."
M: "What?"
Me: "if you were redecorating a torture chamber, what sort of wallpaper would you choose?"
M: [chuckling] "A torture chamber?"
Me: "S said he would choose a spikey pattern that pointed downward."
S: [coming back to the table, catching my last sentence] "Oh, I see she's moved on to the next question."
M: "Yes, she has."
S: "You know, another wallpaper option would be a pattern based on those African penis idols."
Me: "Huh?"
S: [flexing forearm and making a tight, hard fist] "You know, those idols with the giant...."
Me: "Ahhhhhh."
S: "Of course, it would really depend on what sort of torture would be taking place."
Me: "I see. What type of torture would the penis wallpaper imply?"
S: "Oh, just anything involving that particular body part."
Me: "I was thinking teddy bears and kittens for the wallpaper."
M: "Or beach scenes."
Me: "Exactly. Something that takes you to your happy place."
M: "Right."
Me: "So do you guys have any questions?"
S: "Sure, I've got a question."
Me: "Great!"
S: "If you redecorated your proctologist's office, what wallpaper would you use?"
Me: "Pastel-colored popsicles."
M: "What's a proctologist?"
S: [looking at me for some unknown reason] "What's a proctologist?"
Me: "Why are you looking at me?"
S: [looking at M] "Did you say 'What's a proctologist?'"
M: "Yes, what is it?"
S: "An ass doctor."
M: [snort-laughing]
Me: "That's why I said popsicles on the wallpaper. It's cold, a convenient size...it would provide some relief, right?"
Did you notice that no one ever answered my magic muffin questions? It's just plain WRONG when a girl can't get her curiosity satisfied.
9 comments:
I can't believe none of your friends made any reference to body parts when you mentioned muffins. Maybe I just need to get my head out of the gutter.
I would not know what a magic muffin would do to a person if you ate it, could pretty much do anything you want it to. Before I would eat a magic muffin, I would want to know what it would do to me before consuming it.
Oh, I was thinking it...
Backstroke lover always hidin' 'neath the covers
Till I talked to your daddy, he say
He said "You ain't seen nothin' till you're down on a muffin
Then you're sure to be a-changin' your ways"
I met a cheerleader, was a real young bleeder
Oh, the times I could reminisce
'Cause the best things of lovin' with her sister and her cousin
Only started with a little kiss
Like this!
What are you smoking dude?
He's not smoking. Larry has consumed a magic muffin, and it made him dream of airborne metal workers who sing of magic muffins.
Hmmm....."Smokin',"
That was a great song off of the first Boston LP.
You should have asked me! I am creative.
L: How would the magical muffin feel going down?
A: I'm so glad you asked me, Lisa! Warm, soft and fluffy. Kind of like a perfect ordinary muffin, but it would also sort of make you tingle all over.
L: What would it do?
A: Well, that depends on which variety you've chosen to eat. The pale blue ones make you fly, while the pink one with sparkles grants a wish. The bright red one makes your dream man materialize in your bedroom, ready for a little... scrabble. There are others, ranging in abilities.
L: Wow. If only either of us knew where to get one.
A: Yep. Too bad Paris Hilton isn't telling us. I'm pretty sure she eats the yellow "staying famous in spite of having no real talent or abilities" daily.
L: Ok. Moving on. If you were redecorating a torture chamber, what sort of wallpaper would you choose?
A: Well, that's a no-brainer. A french velvet brocade, heavy and dark. Probably a deep tealish-blue with black velvet overlay. Something that says french bordello. Because that would be extra-sexy. Oh, and I'd leave the torture out of the room and put in a rotating bed and hot tub. Maybe some fluffy handcuffs would be in a drawer, but that's about as tortured as I would bother with. On second thought, who needs a torture room? Lets have a decadence room instead, mmkay?
Yay! Anna likes to play my games with me. :)
Warm, soft, fluffy, tingly....yummmm. That's just what I imagined, too. So tell me.....if I wanted to fly once a week for the next year, would I need 52 pale blue muffins? Or would one of them be good for multiple flights? I am also quite interested in the bright red variety because I love....um, scrabble. If I wanted to play many, many, many games of scrabble, would I need to consume many, many, many bright red muffins? And, if so, would it be the same dream each time, or would there be a new dream with each muffin? And what if, now and then, I wanted to make up new rules for scrabble? Is that possible within the red-muffin menu of magic?
And, ahhhhhh, yes. A decadence chamber. Mine would have no traditional furniture -- mostly soft, fluffy, cloudlike pillows tossed three layers thick so that you can't even tell there's a floor. There's a retractable skylight and a window-wall, both of which you can open to a private garden or close to enjoy glowing candlelight. And I want magic in my decadence chamber, too. But instead of muffins....mmmmm...hey, I know! Popsicles. Magic popsicles.
Glad to see you're still "making up games and playing them." Or maybe just glad you're torturing other people with that crap.
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